Thursday, May 31, 2012

Original Date: Friday, Mar 25, 2011


2:52 PM me: hey. anna's talking about hanging out tomorrow
 Michael: yeah
  i saw her yesterday and she mentioned it
2:53 PM me: i don't know if i'm going to. depends. i'd rather us just hang out before we all 3 hang out again.
  i'm also debating on breaking up with xavier. which is going to flatten this weekend.
2:54 PM Michael: mmm that could have a deleterious affect
  well, you know me, i didn't commit to anything with her
 me: i need opinions regarding my decision making process about x
 Michael: she asked me what i was doing this weekend and i told her nothing and she said she was going to hang out with you and said i should come too
2:55 PM me: if you have any free time today. let me know
 Michael: oh absolutely
 me: when can you chat?
  im out of work in like 10 min..
 Michael: yeah
  well
  im out at 5
 me: nice use of deleterious
  i wasn't familiar with it.
 Michael: ha
  thanks
  so yeah
  i'll be home around 5:30
  get settled
2:56 PM i'll give you a call
  but
  i mean
  before even talking about it
  if youre thinking about it
  that pretty much says it all
 me: yeah.
 Michael: without knowing the details
2:57 PM me: i don't want this to drag on
 Michael: how long have you been together>
  ?
 me: almost 4 months
 Michael: sounds about right
2:58 PM i dunno
  i'll get the low down from you later
  but yeah
  as far as tomorrow goes
  i agree
  i'd like to hang out
  you know
  without anna
  sometime
2:59 PM me: yes, definitely
 Michael: she certainly adds a dynamic that mostly affects me and mostly takes me down a few notches
 me: i know.
  okay.
  im heading out
  talk soon.
 Michael: alright
  adios
  enjoy not being at work
  bastard
 me: haha
  i will.
3:00 PM enjoy your sabbath
 Michael: haha
  not working as we speak
 me: haha
Original Date: Wednesday, Mar 23, 2011

2:08 PM Michael: ive been informed that the deadline for energy benchmarking has been extended to august
2:09 PM me: Alright, then. What does this mean?
2:10 PM Is this good news or bad news? Or neutral news..
 Michael: it's actually kind of good news
  because we have gotten just the one and only job
2:11 PM so this tells us that the lack of business is not our (my) fault but apparently people just don't know about it
  I've got a performance review coming up any day now
  i had to submit a self evaluation
2:12 PM which i scored very well on, btw..
  so I'm hoping that this can be some kind of leverage
  or at least show that my usefulness could theoretically extend beyond may 1st
2:14 PM me: That sounds pretty legitimate for leverage. Glad to hear you scored well on your evaluation of yourself.
 Michael: haha
  exceeded expectations right down the line
  whoda thunk
 me: sometimes i think you know yourself too well
2:15 PM Michael: its good to know i can still surprise myself with just how exemplary i perform my job
  i think i went a little too far on this description
 Michael: ensuring
 me: for such an insignificant item
 Michael: sorry
2:17 PM thats one that i catch a lot
 me: oy vey
  thanks
 Michael: haha
  this is great
 me: i don't pay attention to any grammar or spelling really.
 Michael: To boot, the keychain makes it easy to carry along anywhere, and with 2 bright LED lights, you can check your tire pressure practically anywhere, anytime.
  HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT HAS LIGHTS
2:18 PM me: haha
  indeed, it does.
 Michael: i meant to comment on the nintendo wii controllers
  thats a pretty great deal!
 me: i think it is.
2:19 PM they are pretty legit for knock offsa
 Michael: oh really?
  i thought they were the real thing
  i wasn't sure if there are like...generic controllers for the wii or not
  oh by the way
2:20 PM i just remembered this
  the band devotchka
  who i think i remember you being a bit into
  are playing some place in brooklyn tonight
 me: huh
  i'll check into that
2:21 PM $30 tix that are sold out
 Michael: you should go and wear the sound equalizer tshirt
  oh damn
  thats a bit much
  even if they werent sold out
 me: they are selling like crazy
2:22 PM Michael: its pretty awesome honestly
  and for 10 bucks
  cant beat it
 me: Spy with style, and take your surreptitious fantasies to the next level with the 8GB Stylish Men's Spy Watch Hi-Resolution Pin-Hole Video Camera.
  is this too creepy? i think it's kind of funny
2:23 PM Michael: haha
  surreptitious fantasies
  sounds sexy
 me: i know
  i figure that's what sells, right?
2:24 PM it might be too upfront and deter people by kind of judging them
2:25 PM Michael: i figure if you are into spying then you aren't particualrly easily detered
  what with all the skulking around and waiting in the shadows and whatnot
2:26 PM me: Heh. that sounds about right.
  (as you place an order for one...)
2:27 PM Michael: dont judge. I can hear you judging because I have your shit wired.
  that's how i roll
2:28 PM me: i kind of want one. it's just it requires a lot of endurance, reading through a poorly translated and complicated manual
  like all of our spy stuff
 Michael: remember those puzzle balls you could get in 25 cent machines?
2:29 PM i remember one time i got one and it came with (poorly translated) instructions and it said "throw it at the ground and watch it decompose!"
  my family still pulls that out every now and again
 me: haha
2:30 PM that's so good.
  i'll have to send a picture of one of these descriptions on the music playing computer mouse with built in microphone
2:32 PM Michael: you know
  that watch is pretty creepy
  i mean
  what else would you possibly use that for other than upskirts
2:33 PM unless your a confidential informant or something
  youre*

6 minutes
2:39 PM me: basically, that's what it's for.
  that's why i decided to call it out in the description
  we have sooo much spy shit
2:40 PM because people buy that shit up
  hey--i have to get back to work...
  i'll be around.
2:41 PM Michael: alright, have a good rest of the day
  talk to you soon

Monday, November 21, 2011

A Place To Lean Against

 Original Date: Wednesday, Mar 16, 2011

3:53 PM me: !
 Michael: ?
3:54 PM me: hey-o.
 Michael: ello
3:55 PM me: what's up, eh?
3:56 PM Michael: eh not too much. my jaw has been hurting for weeks and now it seems to have spread to the rest of my face.
 me: whoa. wtf.
 Michael: i dont know man
  been a pretty crappy day
  woke up and the cat shit on the bath mat
  forgot my cigarettes
3:57 PM usual work stuff
  anticipating more trails of cat shit when i get home
  trials*
 me: diarrhea?
 Michael: trails works too though
  no
  honestly its my fault
 me: hahaha
  trails
 Michael: slacking on his box
 me: not trials.
  dude.
3:58 PM cat's need a clean place to shit
 Michael: yeah, i think he got that message across
  have to go buy cat litter on the way home
  and then clean his stuff out
  just so much to look forward to
  oh man
  i had to replace the exhaust system of my car last weekend
3:59 PM fun just doesn't stop
 me: how was deerhoof
  ?
 Michael: eh
4:00 PM we didn't stay for their whole thing
  it was alright
  i found a place to lean against
  so that was good
 me: ha

Young Professionals Over Here!

Original Date: Tuesday, Mar 15, 2011

10:23 AM me: ;)
10:26 AM Michael: yo!
10:27 AM young professionals over here!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

A Clean Place to Shit


Original date: 3/10/2011

3:39 PM me: nice!
 Michael: aha!
  wow
  this is like old school IM
 me: it's pretty good.
  dude, like every young professional uses it
3:40 PM Michael: haha
  god damn it
 me: so they can talk with all of their young professional friends
 Michael: why dont the young professionals keep me updated!?
 me: i dont know. i really only found out about it a few months ago.
3:41 PM Michael: well, it's another distraction
  which i am always open to
 me: ha. well...i figured
 Michael: sooo...
  mr young professional
  are you a higher paid young professional now?
 me: a little bit yes
 Michael: yes!
 me: with a weekly incentive plan
 Michael: woah
  i dont even know what that is
  sounds fantastic though
3:42 PM as someone who lives a life without any incentives
 me: i'll be given a goal at the beginning of every week
  and if i make it, i get $100
 Michael: sweet!
 me: well, if i make it, of course.
 Michael: that's awesome
  at least it is something
  shake things up
3:43 PM its important to feel like you are working towards something
 me: yeah, definitely.
  i think i might make this week's goal
 Michael: pretty demoralizing when you are positive your work makes no impact on anything and doing it very well or very poorly makes no difference
  sweet dude
  well i have that gps on the site
  and its a piece of shit
 me: oh yeah?
3:44 PM Michael: so, i dont know how that factors in
  but it sucks
 me: well--someone's gonna buy it
 Michael: yeah
  i mean
  i did
 me: i actually need to ask you a question
  can you talk on the phone for a second?
 Michael: sure


Note: I work at an online retailer. So, anytime you hear reference to products, those are items I had listed on the website. Most of it is junk.